D1 - No Sleep Until Daybreak

 Can't Sleep! Did I Remember To?

(Powerofpositivity.com)

Day 1 of retirement began with me waking up from a sound sleep with thoughts of what did I forget to do or write down before I left yesterday?  My mind was running in a million different directions as I thought of all the things that there was no way could be done on or before my last day.  Did I let somebody down by not getting something that was important to them done? The same old anxiety set in that I have grown accustomed to over the years.  In the past I would have gotten up and started making notes about things I needed to do when I went back into the office. This time, while I knew sleep would continue to elude me, when I got up I chose instead to practice breathing exercises and spend some time thinking how I could turn this experience into a useful blog entry.  

While I know I'm a perfectionist and take the things I'm responsible for very personally, I'm seeing a little more clearly the toll that takes on both the mind and body.   In retrospect I look back today and I wonder about all of the hours of lost sleep, the anxiety, and the many things that were missed out on or affected were worth it? It's always said that nobody on their deathbed ever says I wish I had spent more time at work!  It's also true that while we hope that the things we do in our employment have an impact, I think it's important to remember that none of us are expendable and we will be replaced rather quickly with someone new.  I say that not with malicious intent towards any employer as that's just the way business works.  Even so, finding that elusive balance where we are valuable employees and where we take care of our self and make our own welfare a priority is important.  And I will know that is easier said than done.

Tomorrow will dawn just like this morning and because I've stopped to literally and figuratively smell the flowers, I believe I will wake up with less concern about what I did not do and instead spending  a little bit of time appreciating what I did over my career with pride.  My employer will get along just fine without me, my replacement we'll figure it out just like I did, and my coworkers will continue doing the important work they do well each and every day in spite of my absence and in some cases maybe even better.  Change has a way of helping people to grow in ways they may never have imagined.

Here's to the beginning of great days in the future.