D5 - Lessons From A Serial Retainer

 WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T TAKE IT ALL WITH ME?!?

For me, retirement comes with a move in our future.   The process of purchasing a new home in another state, going through 22 + years worth of accumulated items, and selling our current home is a lot.  Today's advice would be that long before you find that you are in a similar situation begin the downsizing process. If you just take one room at a time you will find that you won't have to do it all at once.  Although I will admit that when you're looking at a daunting task like downsizing an entire house you find that things that you might have thought you absolutely needed to keep don't seem quite so necessary and they're easier to part with.  It literally took months to go through all of the things that we have, two garage sales, multitudes of listings on buy and sell sites, and more trips to Goodwill and other thrift stores then I'd like to admit.  My kids have been recipients of many things they wanted and probably some things they didn't want.  In the end, we have succeeded in paring down to those things that are either making the move or are necessities for everyday living.  I absolutely do not recommend following my path because it was extremely stressful and put a tremendous amount of pressure on our relationship.

Now for some lessons learned from this seasoned professional (I gave myself that a title):

Lesson 1 - Paper Avalanche  (and photo)

Full disclosure here, I find that one of the things that I am inclined to retain (those are pretty words for borderline hoarding LOL) is paper.  I attach a lot of emotion and memories to tangible things that I can touch.  I have years worth of personal journals that I'm sure contain amazing nuggets and insightful words (ha ha).  If I had it to do over again I would definitely be purchasing a great scanner that would allow indexing of documents and keeping them electronically.  I would have made sure it had the ability to scan the sheer massive volume of photographs that I have as well. Of course I would never have had the time to scan them so there is that.  Of course I don't have the aforementioned scanner so I have boxes of photos and papers that are making the move.  When I arrive on the other end I will be purchasing that scanner if for no other reason then to get all of the photographs scanned so they can be shared with the appropriate people. I have many old photos that I want to make sure get shared with family and doing it electronically will make the task much more effective.

Lesson 2 -  Don't try to understand

People will buy the strangest things. People will pay money for things that you don't think are worth it.  People will not buy things you think you have that should be valuable.  People will drive incredible distances for things they "can't live without".  You can't understand people so don't even try, you will make yourself crazy.  

If you make enough trips to the local thrift stores they start to know you by name and stop asking you if you want a receipt.  Share the wealth, especially if you have the opportunity to donate to entities that provide items to people in need for free.

Lastly, if you are a couple I offer some sage words of advice.  Do your best not to question your spouse as to why they have kept things they have over all the years.  You won't understand their reasons and they may not even know why themselves.  Doing this will help with the above stated pressure on your relationship.

Lesson 3 - Memories 

UGH, MEMORIES!  During this experience I not only had to wade through accumulated items but I also had to go through items that came to me after my parents passed away.  At the time I emotionally couldn't bring myself to go through the boxes so instead I stored them away for many years.  When we began this, I made the conscious decision to start with those boxes because my philosophy was that if I could "get through those" then the rest of the stuff would be a piece of cake. That proved to be an accurate assessment but doesn't mean that it was easy.  I consider myself fortunate because as my husband was helping me navigate this emotional minefield, he gave me a priceless nugget of advice that when I took it I found that it has truly changed my perspective on "things".  His simple words were that the memories aren't attached solely to the item, but rather they're in my heart.  He reminded me to physically hold on to the item and to let the memories come but then realize that because they are in my heart I can let the item go.  For those things I might want to be able to look at again I took pictures of and then let the items go to a new home.  I never realized how wise he is (chuckle)!   All of that being said, I want you not to put going through these emotional items until you are under the pressure of a move, do it now.

I'm proud of how far we've come and the many things that we have allowed to go to good homes.  I look forward to designing my new home with intentionality, avoiding the gathering of so many items going forward.  I'm not a minimalist in any way but I'm looking forward to the calm that comes from a lack of clutter.  I hope you learn from my experiences but if you don't I'm confident you will navigate your minefield in your own way.